Day One, In Which We Begin with a Beret

My beret came yesterday, and while I was excited, I must admit to feeling rather... out of sorts with the idea of covering this morning.

I told myself that it was a hat, that no one would notice, and I feel like that was a correct assumption: that no one would have noticed if I had not spoken openly about why it was on my head. But I suppose it's no different than choosing to wear my star of David, posting mezuzim on my doors, carrying a pocket siddur, or saying Baruch Hashem. I'm Jewish, and if anyone questions anything I do Jewishly, I have always freely and proudly explained myself to them. 

A conversation with Becca, the HR lady at work, ended up with her showing me pictures of her (other) Jewish friend, who also chooses to cover in various ways. She said the beret looked pretty.

A conversation with Brandy, a classmate of mine, brought the opportunity to share aspects of my culture with someone who had perhaps known very little of our ways. 

I don't think I was really prepared to be complimented or to share these kinds of conversations, but it was reassuring to me to be seen and loved by my friends in such a way.

Additionally, I felt so... JEWISH... walking around campus in my black peacoat with my beret covering my hair. I imagined I was walking the winter streets of New York with other hair-covering women passing me on cold, busy streets. I felt closer to my community and closer to Hashem as I felt the weight of the knit cap on my head.

I thought that I would take it off when I got in the car at the end of the day, but I didn't. I thought that I would take it off when I got home tonight but I didn't. Actually, I forgot I was wearing it. It became a part of me in ways I had not expected. And when I did take it off tonight to go have a bath and get ready for bed, it felt luxurious to have my hair loose, the waves and curls tight and untouched by my day. 

I've been looking at a few other options I could order for hair covers, and I think I'll make time this week to look for scarves at the thrift store. Additionally, sharing this as a journal, as a JOURNEY... makes me think maybe I'll start a few others over time. Maybe one about being shabbat shomer... or attending shul... Or attempts at eating more kosher. 

I think there are two very real aspects to what I've begun today: the spiritual act of covering my hair but also the act of sharing the experience with the Void.



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