We Began at the Beginning

 My First Entry 14 January 2025

As your first journal entry and before you actually start the activity, respond to the following questions:

•Describe your project in detail. (What will you be doing, how often, with whom, what does it actually involve? etc.)

I intend to cover my head/hair every day for at least one month. I do not feel the need to do so within my own home but when I am leaving my home, I will choose an item that covers my head and most or all of my hair.

•How will you know if you achieved your goals? That is, is there some metric, qualitative (e.g., your mood, etc.) or quantitative (e.g., lost weight, etc.), that you can identity as target and outcome. 

I will know that I have achieved my goal if I find myself comfortable leaving the house with my hair covered. I will have been *very* successful if I find that I now prefer that my hair be covered.

• Why are you doing this? What’s this about for you? 

I am Jewish but have not always been tzniut or frum, both of which are goals of mine. It is important to me to embrace the mitzvah or covering my hair as a married Jewish woman… But I always feel very self conscious because I live outside of my community, where it is uncommon (and can be questioned) for a white woman to cover her hair. 

• Have you attempted this or something like it before? If so, what happened? What did you learn? What will be different this time? 

I have tried in the past to gain some semblance of comfort when it comes to hair covering but I have always felt too self-conscious to do it for long, if at all. I feel guilty for worrying what other people think of me when I know what I should be doing. I think this time will be different because I’m journaling and sharing the experience. Instead of thinking of the eyes on me, questioning me, I will be thinking of the eyes on my journal, waiting to see if I can succeed.

• What will get in the way of meeting your goals? How might you address this? 

I think the only thing that can get in the way of my goals… is me. And I will address this with pep talks about how now it’s not just a will or won’t but a very personal social experiment. Will people notice? Will they comment? Call me out? Will I be complimented? Have I just been psyching myself out? (Sources say yes.)

• What part of you is “all in”? That is, what part of you is fully committed to this? What part of you is not? Explain. You may want to have a dialogue in writing between these parts of yourself.

The Jewish wife and mother is all in. She knows this is something we should have been doing all along. She identifies this as a personal failure. She says we should not be ashamed or self-conscious of our Jewish identity. We say it loud and say it proud but now it’s also time to walk the walk. 

The assimilated American who lives in the South is little less on board. People question anything different. And people hate the Jews. And not like snide look hate but like physically hurt you, hurt your family, destroy your property kind of hate you. 

I’m trying to reassure myself all the way around that it’s winter and I can start with a beanie or beret or snood and no one will think much about it. And then when the warm weather comes, I just… won’t stop? Because that’s the end goal of choosing this to be my “Experiment,” that when my 30 days are up, I will have become actually comfortable with hair covering and I won’t stop.

Or I’ll feel more comfortable with the choice that it just isn’t for me. In any case, I’ll feel less “in limbo” about it.

But that’s what I have to say for now. I’ve ordered a really cute beanie to start out with because I feel like having something new and cute will make me want to wear it. - I’ll start officially posting the day it arrives.

-Jen