Day Three, In Which I Thought I Would Stay Home

 Friday, I am off of both school and work which is great because it's my day for prepping for Shabbos. Sometimes, this looks like cleaning the house, baking bread, and making a big meal for my family. Sometimes, like today, it looks like catching up on my reading for school, ignoring most of my other responsibilities, and feeding the family DIY tacos before we light the Shabbos candles.

Going out of the house had not been in my plans but at about 4pm, as I said here on the bed with my laptop open, my husband asked me if I wanted to go with him to Publix to pick up a few items and I said yes thinking to myself that Publix meant cookies and a new place journal about tonight. (Sadly, they were out of black and whites on the Entenmann's stand, but we did bring home chocolate chippies from the bakery.)

Now is the point that I interject that I have not been covering my hair each day until I leave the house. It is only day three, but the act of covering my hair seems to work like an activation switch of sorts. I did not say my morning prayers or wash my hands. I did murmur a very basic Baruch Hashem over my food and drink. I don't currently have a mezuzah in my bedroom (they have been packed since we moved in with my mother, with the only one out being on the front door), so I didn't kiss it. In short, the things that I seem to remember to do in the mornings, I get up, get ready, and get out, don't seem to happen on my lazy days.

Is this a coincidence? Is it subconscious? What is happening? Prior to this covering experiment, it was very hit-and-miss how Jewishly I interacted with the world outside of shul. (Often dependent on how much sleep I had had the night before if I'm being honest.) Now I see some correlation between the decision to begin my day with a physical representation of my (desired?) spiritual condition.

In any case, I covered as I was preparing to leave for Publix and, again, felt very aware of myself on my outing. It was a short trip, and upon my return home, I hung up my coat and took off my shoes but left my hair covered. Why? I didn't cover all day before that. But then I left it on while I cooked and putzed around the kitchen, while I had dinner with my family and lit the Shabbos candles.

It was only on my way up the stairs that I left it on the knob. Maybe if I kept it on until I went to bed and had it by my bedside, I would feel prompted to cover earlier and that would begin that sense of connection earlier?

Tomorrow, I am having lunch with a dear friend of mine and her two children. I have not seen them in about a year and a half, long enough that I have never met her youngest child. I am setting the goal for myself to cover when I get up rather than when I am preparing to leave to see how that changes how my morning goes. I have also considered, for the mornings with an alarm clock, setting the tone to the modeh ani if possible so that my brain wakes up to the tune. 

I want to be in constant communication with Hashem, and I want to be more aware of myself, how I am thinking and feeling, and interacting with myself and others throughout my day.