And So We End

 For your last journal entry answer the following in a page or more single-spaced reflection. Though you may have additional things to say, be sure to cover the following in your summary:

• Summarize your project

I covered my head, in the tradition of married Jewish women, for thirty days to see how it changed my attitude, my behaviors, my connection to myself, and my connection to G-d. Success would be determined by participating in the contemplative action and by noting positive changes or other changes within my life. Failure would be determined by not participating in the action and/or a failure to journal any changes.

 

• Did you meet your goals?

Because I can say that I did cover my hair for approximately 28 of the 30 days (and I did journal about the act of not covering those days) and because I did notice a change in myself, I would consider this a success. I don’t remember exactly what I wrote in the first questions but I know now that I can and do feel comfortable covering my head in a public non-Jewish space and that covering my head often draws me back into myself, into my identity. It’s grounding, in a way.

 

• What stands out to you about this?

It was hard but worthwhile. I wasn’t sure about either of those things: how hard it would be or whether I would think it was worthwhile.

 

• What surprised you?

I thought when it was over, I would be relieved. But the approaching end felt bitter-sweet to me and my husband’s disapproval… was shocking but welcome. I feel like this journey has pushed me further along on my spiritual path and helped me to find ways to connected my religion with my other spiritual standings.

 

• What did you learn about you?

I think people are watching what I’m doing and analyzing it WAY more than they really are. Also, I that I dance this weird line between wanting to be seen fully as Jewish no matter where I am but also wanting to be able to fly under the radar. There is an element of danger to being openly Jewish and I think I let that control me way too much. Also, covering is a grounding experience. Who knew?

 

• What did you learn about behavioral change that you might apply to others?

Meaning is subjective. What I find meaningful may not mean anything to anyone else. Taking on a change that means something to me is personal but maybe that’s the best kind of change: a personal one. I don’t need anyone’s approval to determine what changes are meaningful to me or my life and I owe no one an explanation. Except for this one time in which I asked Tobin if covering my head qualified for this journaling assignment.

 

• What was the experience of reflecting in the journal like?

I think of journaling as love notes to the void. Who will read this? Maybe no one. Probably no one, in fact. Maybe me down the road. But I like to think that the Void is aware of this conversation between me and Them. It almost feels like davening at times.

 

• What concepts or practices from readings or from other material is relevant to your experiment. Explain.

I think I’d like to liken this to the piece we read about centering prayer. I take my cover from the knob at the bottom of the stairs and I slip it over my head and as I step out of the door, I feel overcome by the majesty of the universe. I think of Israel, of the hostages, and I imagine the Jews of the world like beacons on a globe with beams of light connecting each of us. I say four prayers: one thanking G-d for making me a woman and thus covering my head, one thanking G-d for waking me up in the morning, one asking G-d for peace, and the Shema, proclaiming that G-d is the Only. Less repetitive words but I hold the image of our connectivity in my mind as I pray. We are the Tribe. We are mishpacha.

• If there was something that you want to remember about this–a “takeaway”–what would it be?

It isn’t all or nothing. Maybe you don’t cover. Maybe you don’t keep kosher. Maybe you forget to light the Shabbos candles. Maybe you don’t go to shul that week. You haven’t failed. G-d is always with you.