Day Eighteen, In Which Nothing Goes To Plan

 Today, we were supposed to see friends. It didn't work out and I settled myself into a day at home. 

It should be easier than it is. I love being at home and doing home-things. But I'm also entirely contrary so any day of the week that I'm meant to be at school or work, I resent it and I want to stay home... And the days that I'm allowed to stay at home, I end up galivanting all over the countryside on weird adventures.

I need my at home time. I need to feel in charge of my life and my schedule. It doesn't matter how much I love my job or my classes, being told when I need to do something or where just rubs me wrong.

But today... was an at home day. I watered all of my plants and moved some from their cups of water into the soil, covering up their newly formed roots. I fed the fish. I did laundry and made the grocery order. I prepped fruits and veggies and fed the scraps to the hens. I played ball with my dogs.

And because I was at home, amongst my own people, I didn't cover my hair. - But I'm writing every day, even days like today when I didn't need to practice my contemplative action because not practicing often says as much about your journey as practicing. 

I feel good on days like today. I feel connected to Divinity, caring and nurturing for my plants and animals. I can skip meditation on days like today and I don't miss it. I can work right through any moment suited to prayer but the work, when it's nurturing, feels like a prayer unto itself. Feet on the earth, wind in my hair, sun on my skin, in my Happy Place of animals and plants... It is as though breathing is praying in those moments. - And I wish that was all my life ever was.

Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow there are serious errands afoot and I doubt I will find much time for anything that readily identifies as happiness. 

In the meantime, I have been given cart blanche to make the backyard into my dream meditation garden and I have a lot of planning to do. 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day One, In Which We Begin with a Beret

Image
My beret came yesterday, and while I was excited, I must admit to feeling rather... out of sorts with the idea of covering this morning. I told myself that it was a hat, that no one would notice, and I feel like that was a correct assumption: that no one would have noticed if I had not spoken openly about why it was on my head. But I suppose it's no different than choosing to wear my star of David, posting mezuzim on my doors, carrying a pocket siddur, or saying Baruch Hashem. I'm Jewish, and if anyone questions anything I do Jewishly, I have always freely and proudly explained myself to them.  A conversation with Becca, the HR lady at work, ended up with her showing me pictures of her (other) Jewish friend, who also chooses to cover in various ways. She said the beret looked pretty. A conversation with Brandy, a classmate of mine, brought the opportunity to share aspects of my culture with someone who had perhaps known very little of our ways.  I don't think I was really p...
Read more

Day Fourteen, In Which We Acknowledge Time

Image
Two weeks of covering my hair.- Woohoo! I wanted to take a moment to compare the act of covering my hair to the act of meditation. Both are done thoughtfully. Both require a certain amount of awareness for a certain amount of time. (Similar to ceasing to pay attention to your breath when the moment is through, I cease to pay attention to my hair being covered.) And both pop up in your mind throughout the day. - How it went, the feeling of it, the thoughts you chose to focus on or let go of. The feeling of Connectivity both with yourself and What Is. Each time I enter a new space or experience with my hair covered, I become aware of myself once more. Today, we had good weather, and I opted to take my dog for a walk in the neighborhood. Long skirt, hair covered, Star of David flashing in the sunlight, psychotic golden retriever (mostly) at my side.  I passed two women. Normally, they nod to me when I drive past them. - I only walk when the weather is warm. They crossed to the other s...
Read more