Day Twenty, In Which Mindfulness Keeps Me Calm and Carrying On

 Starting last Friday, I noticed I was having a very real issue with my blood sugar dropping. Being hypoglycemic since childhood, I was able to recognize the signs and keep myself upright and relatively safe. But as it continued to plague me into yesterday (Day Twenty) morning, I realized I probably needed help with this issue.

So yesterday morning, while I sat in my car eating the snack that my son brought to me, I called health services at our university and made an appointment. I figured it would be a quick thing, just pop in and back out again. I was not anticipating such deep concern over my 82 BGL after 90-120 minutes post lunch. The finger prick that I anticipated turned into the collection of vials which I had hoped to forego which led into my first ever EKG because my heart can become fluttery when my blood sugar is low.

I felt okay walking into the building but by the time I realized they were planning to look at my white blood cell count and other things, I began to feel afraid. What if something really is wrong with me? - I thought, sitting all alone in the room. My heartrate picked up, felt fluttery, and I absolutely knew that that heaviness in my stomach was anxiety. What if something is wrong? Why did I come here alone? 

But as I reached up to adjust the beret that had slid when I laid down, I felt a calmness overtake me. I was not alone. G-d was there. G-d who created my body so wondrously that I can tell when something, even a small something, isn't right with me. G-d who gave me a life to build the skill of advocating for myself, for my own well-being. G-d who had put me in the university and in the capable and caring hands of the staff of our health services department. I wasn't alone. I would be okay. I let the calmness wash over me.

When all was said and done, my EKG looked fine and I was told to go home and wait for the results of the blood tests. They made me wait there while my son came to walk with me, worried that I might pass out on the way to somewhere. - I didn't and we made it home just fine.

I ate my dinner and tested my blood an hour and a half later. 111. G-d is good, I reminded myself. As I track these symptoms, sticking my fingers repeatedly over the next 18 hours or so, I tell myself G-d is good. My mind and my body can work together with an awareness of each other. 



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