Day Twenty-Nine, In Which The News Is Bad

 Only semi-related to our topic...

Today, Israel confirmed that the bodies of the Bibas children and their mother were supposed to be returned to us tomorrow. We have long speculated about their fate, praying for the best but continuing to fear for them.

The community is in an uproar. People are grief-stricken and others seem to still hold out hope that Hamas is just... lying again. I find myself somewhere in the middle tonight. I spent a great deal of time in tears today (my birthday, btw) and then I saw Ofri's post, asking us to keep davening, to keep hoping, til it was more than words. Til the boys are... or are not... home tomorrow. Til there is tangible evidence, we should not be heartbroken.

But still, somehow I am. Since October 7th, 2023... I feel like we have all been holding our breath. We have tried to hold it all together as a community. But it feels like, if these boys are dead, we will have no choice but to embrace the sense of fragility that has threatened us all these months. It feels like the strength we have conjured since the beginning will falter. It feels as though the world might actually catch fire and burn to the ground.

Antisemitic attacks are on the rise with violence in the streets just last night. It doesn't feel safe anywhere. 

But I ordered more options for head coverings today at lunch. I have been buying more skirts for this summer. I have promised myself that I will find more ways to be in communion with my community. I, we, cannot back down. We cannot hide. We cannot allow the darkness to take over, to win. 

Maybe this exploration happened at just the right time for me: time to embrace my Jewishness.



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